no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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