"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
