hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
should my penis look like a turkey
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
