operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
