I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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