I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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