I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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