we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize