I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
