if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
