Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
