i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
