Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
