i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
