good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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