He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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