last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
