party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
organizing the empties. That sober.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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