The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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