ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
