Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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