I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
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