Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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