meet me or not, i'm out of control
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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