the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
