yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
