she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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