I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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