There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
