butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
