WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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