I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
