So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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