he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
