I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
