Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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