I'm jealous of your bromance
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
