Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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