i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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