She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
