evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
