just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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