im drinking this country out of the recession.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
