I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
