His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
