I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
