You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
