I accidentally burped into my bong.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
