i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
