it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
did i walk over a car last night?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
