I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
BRING THE BAGELS
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
