DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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