There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize