These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize