there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
What a dumb baby whore.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
