Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
