I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
