I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
