you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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