The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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