You really coming over, don't trick.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
